So long...

This is my last post here.

It has been nice to have a blog, but I have realized that it changes my life one way I cannot let it be changed - as brief as my experience is. My friends have found some insights into me that I would have liked to avoid, I have published too private material... This has been an interesting experiment with my life, but I see that it has to end now, before it gets too bad. So here it is, I am ending this blog. I am sorry.

Kidding! That much of it is true, that I will not post here anymore. But you should just update your links/bookmarks/feeds to http://blog.liriel.pri.ee/. I like the idea that all of my web is in one spot - thanks to Duke Lupus for recommending Wordpress, an installable blog engine. Though there might be some unconfigured links, some not-so-good-looking places, but I will not do anything more with it today so let it be known now before anyone posts any more comments here.

Parim vannikogemus - eales

***Aitäh kõigile, kes osalesid selles kingituses, millest allpool juttu tuleb!***
**Ettevaatust! Mõelge enne kui mingit kommentaari lisate/mulle edastate, karm koristus tuleb nende hulgas!**

Käisin just vannis - ja nagu pealkiri ütleb - oli see minu parim vannikogemus üldse ja ma tahan seda teiega jagada. Aga selleks, et jõuda selleni, kui mõnus oli vann, tuleb alustada tänasest päevast või kolmapäeva õhtust. Või veelgi varasemast...

 

Sellel talvel sai ette võetud vannitoa kordategemine - enne oli seal pisike dušinurk ja nüüd sai sinna vann - mullivann - surutud. Mahtus! Mullivann on üks fantastiline leiutis - kuigi mu poeg vastu ootusi mullitamist ei tahagi. Väga lõõgastav ja mõnus. Olen loomulikult selles vannis ennegi käinud, selles suhtes ei olnud tänane üldse eriline, teadsin täitsa hästi kõiki oma vanni võimalusi (polegi nii palju tegelikult) ja ka puudusi (õnneks pole neid ka palju). Seega ses suhtes oli see väga ootuspärane vanniskäik.

 

Eriliseks tegi selle tänase vanniskäigu hoopis muu. Esiteks tulin trennist. Eile sai ratas maalt ära toodud ja tänasest ei ole mul enam ühistranspordi kaart kehtiv niiet tegin kõik oma sõidud (tööle, koju, kodust poodi ja trenni ja lõpuks ka trennist koju) sellel. Juba see oli väsitav, iga sõit omaette oleks mu selja kergelt märjaks tõmmanud - pool sellest teadagi adrenaliini- ja hirmuhigi vastavalt Tallinna suurepärasele liiklusele - aga lisaks käisin ka trennis.

 

Täna sain ma nimelt üle tüki aja käidud Reval Spordis, oma lemmiktreeneri lemmiktrennis (vastavalt siis Fjodor ja BodyCombat). Alustades algusest on Reval Sport jäänud minu klubiks eelkõige oma asukoha ja hinna tõttu - minul, ühistransporsdiga sõitval üksikul inimesel on kõige mõistlikum käia ju kohas, mis on keset linna ja odav. Aga seal on ka päris palju häid trenne. Hüpates esialgu treenerist üle - BodyCombatis käisin ma üks talv kaks korda nädalas ja see on trenn, mis tõesti võtab esimestest hetkedest higiseks ja hoiab pulsi tipus kuni lõpuni. Hea kui lõpuni üldse vastu pead! Kui ma peale haigust käisin, siis pidin poole pealt ära minema, sest pea hakkas ringi käima... Rääkimata sellest, et selle rütmika muusika taustal on hea oma viha ja frustratsiooni hea välja elada. Ja lüüa, lüüa, lüüa - ise tead, keda sinna ette kujutad. Ja see energilisus - nüüd jõuame treeneri juurde - noor mees kargab seal ees, ergutab, vilistab - ja teda vaadates nakatud ise ka sellesse ja ei märkagi, et lihased juba ei jaksa, hingamine on juba väga hingeldamise moodi ja vaevu suudad kombinatsiooni jälgida. Kokkuvõttes - trenn on korralik ja mõnus (kuigi võrreldes aastatetaguse ajaga oli tempo ühtlasem, pausid väiksemad - ei jõudnud juuagi - ja juhendamine vähesem, aga õnneks ei vajanud ma seda ka niivõrd - need siis tänase trenni miinused).

 

Ja meelega ei läinud ma sealsamas duši alla, võibolla ka sauna. Vahetasin kiiruga riided, istusin veel kergelt higiselt ratta selga ja tajudes iga oma jalalihast, paarist kondist tagumikus rääkimata, ja tulin koju nii ruttu kui vähegi võimalik. Kodus oli esimene asi panna vanni vesi jooksma ja...

 

Nüüd hüppan ma kolmapäeva, 30. aprilli, õhtusse. Mul käisid külas töökaaslased ja endised töökaaslased (oh, keda ma petan, keegi muu ju seda siin kunagi ei loegi - niiet teate kõik niigi, mis siis toimus) osaliselt selle puhul, et ma vannitoa korda tegin. Ja kuigi ma ise ei osanud arvatagi, et keegi võiks mõeldagi sellele, et midagi muud kui oma jook kaasa võtta, pidid nad loomulikult mulle ikkagi kingituse tegema. Tõesti poleks pidanud. Aga nad tegid ja ma ei saa muudmoodi kui olen selle üle rõõmus, sest see oli täiesti ideaalne kingitus, just nii nagu ma ikka tahan teha - asi, mis iseenesest huvitab, aga mille ostmise peale ise ei tuleks kunagi. Kingiti mulle terve posu käsitsi tehtud kosmeetikatooteid firmalt Lush, eelkõige vannis kasutamiseks. Ma küll ostsin ühe esimese asjana vannivahu kui ma oma vannitoa kasutamiseks kätte sain, aga mitte midagi nii erilist nagu selles karbis oli. Seal oli eri lõhnadega, eri nimetustega, eri värvidega, eri kasutusaladega...

 

Niisiis vesi jooksis vanni ja mina võtsin selle karbi ette ja vaatasin üle selles olevad vannis kasutamiseks mõeldud asjad. Kuidas kasutada vannipommi? Või vannisula? Kas kõik läheb sisse või ainult tükike? Igatahes valisin esialgu tüki nimetusega vannisula ja viskasin ta tervenisti vette - ei hakanud tükeldama. Ei tea, võibolla oleks pidanud, aga tükeldamata oli igatahes mõnus. Ta hakaks tõesti sulama - nagu või. Temas olid ka mingid õied, mis ka lõhnasid kui näpu vahele võtta.

 

Selleks hetkeks olin ma siis higine, väsinud ja ei suutnud oodata, millal ma lõpuks ometi pikali saan. Aga teha oli veel üks oluline asi - muusika. Vahel on juba täiesti võimatu on valida, millist neist stiilidest ja millist ühe stiili sees kuulata tahad. Eriti kui oled, nagu ma olin, higine, väsinud ja ei suuda oodata, et juba pikali saaks. Lisaks oli mul just hiljuti - viitan ikka sellelesamale kolmapäeva õhtule - olnud kummaline kogemus, kuidas minu muusikavalikut peeti esiteks masendavaks ja teiseks uniseks (eri esitajaid), lisaks naerdi ühe minu ammuse lemmiku üle, kelle nime kohe ekstra ei nimeta praegu siin. Absoluutselt kummaline, kuidas erinevad inimesed tajuvad sama muusikat nii erinevalt. Oli ennegi arvatud, et ma kuulan masendavat muusikat, aga sellesse olin pigem irooniliselt suhtunud, aga nüüd... Ok, ma läksin teemast kõrvale. Tegelikult olin ma ju nüüd üksi ja ei hoolinud üldse, mida keegi teine võiks sellest muusikavalikust arvata, mis ma iganes otsustan valida. Aga pidin seda mainima, sest see oli selline väike ärritus mul eelnevalt sees ja seega näris mind ka kahtlus, et milline see minu muusika siis on, mis mul siin üldse on. Niiet tegin seda, mida ma pole ammu teinud - panin kõik oma kõvakettal oleva muusika playlisti ja need suvalises järjekorras mängima. See oli ka kõige kiirem valik, väsinud ja kiirustav nagu ma olin.

 

Ja siis, lõpuks! Panin endale veel valmis mõned vannis pesemiseks mõeldud asjad ja läksin sisse. Vesi nägi küll välja kahtlane - piimjas ja üksikud taimetükid sees hõljumas - aga ta oli pehmem kui ma ühtki vett olen kunagi kogenud. Selles vees niisamagi olemine oli nauding omaette. Aga loomulikult panin ma kohe ka mullid tööle. Valutavatele lihastele ei ole midagi mõnusamat kui üks soe massaaž ja kuna mul massööri, isegi algajat, käepärast võtta ei ole siis on mullivann mullitamas parim variant. Keerad ennast tagurpidi vanni ja lükkad seljamassaaži käima ja lased jalataldadel mõnuleda. Või suunad surve küljelüüžidesse ja kogu ülejäänud keha lihased ja liigesed, kuklast varvasteni, on korraga masseerimisel. Liigutad ennast, liigutad lüüže, sätid neid erinevasse suunda laskma - niiet lõpuks on kogu keha mõnusalt läbi hõõrutud. Ja see ei ole terav hõõrumine loomulikult, ikka pehmeim, mida üldse on võimalik saavutada - eriti kui vannis on selline õline vesi nagu selle vannisulaga tekkis.

 

Ja vaht, mis selle vannisulaga tekkis, oli kogemus omaette. Kirjutasin juba, et esimese asjana peale vannitoa vastuvõtmist ehitajalt (sest ega ma loomulikult seda ise ei teinud) ostsin ka vannivahu. Vannivahtudel kipub olema uhkustavalt peale kirjutatud, et nendest tekkiv vaht on eriti tugev ja püsiv. Nii ka too vannivaht, mille ma ostsin. Mu poeg ehitab sellest losse, sätib seda habemeks ja mütsiks ja mis iganes riietus- ja muiduesemeteks ja naudib igati seda sellisena nagu ta on. Aga minule see vannivaht ei meeldi. Ta on kõva ja külm ja ta ei anna suurt midagi vanniskäimisele juurde. Aga see vannivaht, mis sellest vannisulast tekkis, oli pehme ja mõnus. Nii mõnus, et määrisin seda igale poole. Nii mõnus, et lasin oma mullitajatel korralikult ja korduvalt töötada, et seda veel ja veel saada. See oli pehmem kui ükski kreem, pehmem kui ükski vaht, mida ma siiani kogenud olen. Jah, O., isegi pehmem kui vahukoor.

 

Ja kogu selle aja - korduva vahutekitamise ja siis jälle sellest lahtisaamise, mullitamise ja niisama vedelemise nautimise aja - tulid ainult mõnusad lood taustaks, nii väga kui ma ka kartsin mõnda ebameeldivat üllatust, mis sunniks mind kaaluma, kumb rikub mu vannikogemust rohkem - kas vannist väljaminek ja pala vahetus või selle loo lõpuni kuulamine. Tuli lugusid, mida ma ei mäletanudki, et mul on. Jazzist klassikani ja tagasi metallini välja. Vahepeal sattus isegi üks jõululaul, millele ma kõvasti ja ilmselt valesti kaasa laulsin. Ma mõtlesin küll vahepeal, mis lugusid kõik võiks juhtuda - aga nad ei juhtunud ja ma olin seal vannis üliõnnelik. Juba sel ajal ma mängisin mõttega, et ma kirjutan sellest kogemusest - mis tegelikult on täiesti tähtsusetu igapäevarõõm, aga sobib seega ka ideaalselt minu "nothing important" sildi alla - siia blogisse, ja mitte lühikese jutu. See mõte tegi juba iseenesest tegi mind seal õnnelikumaks. Oleks mul läpakas, mida saaks võtta vanni kaasa, siis ma oleks võtnudki ja hoolimata sellest, et vannituppa wifi ei ulatu (nagu MDW nii eredalt kolmapäeval demonstreeris), selle posti sealsamas vannis valmis kirjutanud. Oleks ilmselt tulnud detailsem ja tõesem, sest see kogemus, mida ma praegu üles kirjutan, oli tol ajal veel reaalsus ega tahtnud uute kogemuste sisse ära kaduda. Oojaa, praegu tekivad juba uued kogemused...

 

Niisiis, mõnulesin, kogu oma naha ja karvadega. Aga vannis tehakse muud ka peale mõnulemise, vähemalt vanasti mõeldi ta selleks välja - tänapäeva inimesed armastavad miskipärast dušši all käimist rohkem. Aga loomulikult pestakse. Ja ma olin enne ka käepärast võtnud mõned asjad sealtsamast karbist, milles see suurepärane vannisula oli. Esiteks oli keha koorija. Küll mõeldud dušši all kasutamiseks, aga vannis saab ju ka. Võtsin lahti - ta oli süsimust. Hirmutas. Aga sellest hoolimata hõõrusin sellega oma jalgu - ja nad muutusid siniseks. Nähtavasti oli tegemist mustikatest või millestki taolisest tehtud koorijaga, seemned veel koorimiseks sees. Samas oli ka see mõnusalt pehme, mida ma tol hetkel tema plussiks pidasin (kuigi ma vahel tahan just, et kooria oleks piisavalt kare), kuid kahjuks sulas ta mu käes liiga kiiresti - kohe kahju hakkas, et ta seega nii kiiresti otsa saab. Hõõrusin sellega ka oma ülejäänud keha - ka nägu. Ilmselt nägin ma tol hetkel päris naljakas välja, aga õnneks või kahjuks ei paista peeglist vaatama kui oled vannis ja seega saan ma ainult arvata. Kusjuures vannituba plaanides ma isegi kaalusin lae tegemist peegeldavast materjalist, et mingi aimdus oleks pidevalt olemas ka vannis käies, aga kartsin, et konservatiivsemad inimesed, kes võivad ka tahta seal käia näiteks sellel ettekäändel, et nad on mu lähimad sugulased, võiksid sellele halvasti vaadata. Nii palju hoolin ma nende arvamusest näete!

 

Oma juustesse ma aga seekord veel ei julenud midagi uut määrida - eelkõige sel põhjusel, et ma ei kujutanud ette, kuidas kasutada šampooni või palsamit, mis on kõva. Aga ma uurin välja ja siis katsetan. Igatahes sain nende praktiliste asjadega ka ühelepoole ja muidugi nägi vann kohutav välja peale vee väljalaskmist, ta polegi kunagi nii jube välja näinud. Aga huvitaval kombel oli ainult välimus see, mis oli hirmutav, sest reaalselt sai kerge pesuvahendiga pritsimise ja kergelt švammiga ületõmbamise tulemusel ta kiiresti jälle puhtaks. See on lohutuseks neile, kes kardavad oma vanni pärast selliste vahendite kasutamisel - midagi hullu pole, vähemalt nende konkreetsete asjadega.

 

Aga tegelikult nüüd alles jõuan ma ka selle pointini, mida kõik meesterahvad on oodanud. Loputasin ära ja see oli täiesti ime kui mõnusalt pehme mu nahk oli. Igaltpoolt. Ka kohtadest, mis üldiselt on õrnad ja tundlikud ja ei armasta isegi kerget puudutust. Nüüd oli terve keha tõesti nagu reklaamlause selle vana ja vale vannivahu peal - skin soft enough to eat. Ja huuled! Koorisin ju ka oma nägu ja ilmselt siis ka huuli. Ja nii tundlikud, nii mõnusad ei ole nad kunagi olnud. Tol hetkel oli - tegelikult siiani on - kahju, et mul ei ole kedagi, keda suudelda. Kui ma muidu naudin suudlemist väga, siis mida ma teeksin veel selliste huultega - nendega suudeldes võiks suisa teatud kõrghetke saavutada... Mmm, siit jätkan ma ainult oma ettekujutustes ;)

 

* Avastasin, et mul eesti keeles ei olegi enam kuigi kerge kirjutada niiet vahelduseks ka emakeeles.

** Pildid on minu vannitoa seintel olevatest minu sodimistest. Üks neist mulle isegi meeldib, võite arvata, milline. Asukoha järgi ei saa te seda küll arvata ainult, sest see sai täiesti suvaliselt pandud. Ja meelega ei üritanud neid otse pildistada, sest täiesti ei saa nagunii.

*** I hope all you guys got it - especially you - but I don't know if you ever read it...

INFJ

Being alone at work can be frustrating after a party spent being silent. And so I went and confirmed the type of person I am. Yet again. True, true, true! These are the things I feel constantly. Could I ever change?

The agreeable nature and quiet personality of INFJs makes them particularly vulnerable to hurt feelings. Distress within close relationships can shatter the INFJ. Like all NFs under stress, INFJs feel fragmented and lost — as if they are acting out a part rather than simply being themselves. This disassociation can be related to physical symptoms for the INFJ, whether real or imagined. Feeling split off from their physical natures, INFJs may become virtually immobilized by repressed feelings.

Although INFJs may feel like remaining still and stationary until the chaos and confusion of a stressful situation dissipates, it would be best for them to actively sort out their needs from others. Being excessively cooperative and agreeable, the INFJ has a tendency to adopt values and beliefs of others as their own. When external conflicts grow, so does the INFJ's sense of personal disharmony. Disassociating themselves from others takes a great deal of effort for the INFJ.

Careers

This lists represent careers and jobs people of your type tend to enjoy doing. The job requirements are similar to the personality tendencies of your personality type. It is important to remember that this is not a list of all the jobs possible. And it is very important to remember that people can, and frequently do, fill jobs that are dissimilar to their personality... this happens all the time...and sometimes works out quite well.

career counselor
psychologist
educational consultant
special education teacher
librarian
artist
playwright
novelist/poet
editor/art director
information-graphics...designer
HRM manager
merchandise planner
environmental lawyer
marketer
job analyst
mental health counselor
dietitian/nutritionist
research
educational consultant
architects
interpreter/translator

Discover your personality type

How I appreciate art

This is in part a reply to Mongolian Deathworm's comment to Unconquerable Wet Fire.

Although I enjoy painting and some other activities that might be called art, I am not a big art appraiser myself. I might find something nice, but most of the items are somehow boring - or maybe that's what bad art is? or maybe it just doesn't get through to me because I am not a big art appraiser? Anyway I thought to write a little bit of how I think of different art.

One and the earliest ways I have appreciated art is by seeing how exact and recognizable objects are. If I understand the story behind the piece, if I can explain myself why the artist did what he or she did. I can appreciate the exactness and ability of replicating the real world in his/her work. That way I am appreciating more the skill not the overall piece. But I think it is really hard to make realistic art tell something straight to your heart. You can enjoy the picture, the beauty (or not), the objects, associate them with your own life, but there is something missing. I myself try not to replicate objects that I see, mostly anyway. I think I am not very skillful at drawing but, more to the point, I feel that I rather take a photo than draw the same thing up. It is only rare cases when a photo can't show what you wanted to.

Another way is when you can't really tell by picture alone, what is it that the artist tries to say. Does he or she try to tell at all or is it just beauty- an ornament - that he or she is after? You have to look at the picture as well as inside yourself to understand what it really means. Sometimes the picture's name will point you in some sensible direction, sometimes the name doesn't connect you at all. I like this way the best, because each time the experience is different. Every time I might feel differently about the picture, every time explaining it differently. Yet sometimes not making the connection at all. That way even a familiar art museum can give you something. That is what I try to achieve with my pictures¹. Nothing recognizable (though I am a human and have trouble making it abstract enough), nothing even in symbols. Colors, movement, techniques, lines and contrast - these will have to stay because a picture is nothing if it does not captivate somehow.

And then there is conceptual art. Art which is to shock you somehow. Art of exploring the boundaries. I say this is only rarely done well enough for me not to feel bored and even disgusted with it. This is how I think about "Domestic Tension" of Wafaa Bilal. It is a novel way of doing art, the random element of the mass thrown in as co-artists, Internet as the new media is used. It is all nice - and it is sad that his point got proven -, but it is only an interesting idea and one that doesn't captivate me, doesn't make me feel enlightened. There might be more to it, maybe if I had seen the performance at the time I had thought about it differently, but right now it's just a curious fact that that kind of art exists.

Now don't get me wrong, I am not against good conceptual art. To illustrate I'll tell you about a video I saw in Kiasma (Helsinki Modern Art Museum) a few years ago and can't forget even now. It was a silent video, at first nothing special. It was a sunny street corner, where several young people were hanging out. There were four different groups of one (with a mobile phone) to three (on some kind of discarded couch in the center). When you gave it a passing glance you thought it to be just about hanging out, about social life. But when you paid more attention, then you understood, that each group was in a separate loop in itself. They all repeated their actions, but the length of one loop was different. But nevertheless you could see how the groups still interacted with each-other and it was always as if it was meant to be exactly like that. You could see one group telling a joke at another and the other answering, etc, etc. I think I sat there for fifteen minutes absolutely in awe.

And then there is life and the appreciation you can get only from living yourself. You might find me captivated at odd moments. It might be an emotion on someone's face, it might be the feeling I feel in my arm, it might be some vague thought that happens to come into my mind at just the right moment, it might be an unwanted detail in exactly the right position on the floor, it might be the room designer has done a good job - but you'll see my eyes going distant and me, I am happy for that moment. Happy to have recognized it, to have felt it, maybe even memorized it for later viewing or thinking about it. Some might tell, that it is not art, but I appreciate it just the same. What is art anyway? Only the things displayed as art? That is a question still unsatisfactorily answered.

Notes
1. I am a bad judge of that because in me there is the itch I scratch with making the picture and I can remember it too well when looking at it.

Dune - the whole series with sequels and prequels to Frank's books

My friend DukeLupus recently finished the series of Dune books and posted an article in his blog about the last books (Hunters of Dune, Sandworms of Dune). I am the Kaja he thanked for loaning the books. And he asked me if I could post my comments on the series as well. I'll try. But knowing myself I write more about how and when I was reading than about my opinion or something worth knowing.

Warning! I didn't make sure to avoid spoilers, there might be some! It is more of a musing about already-read books than recommending to get acquainted.

I came upon Dune in a way that made impossible not loving it. I remember clearly the first date with the man. I was 18. He was the smartest guy I had ever known. I almost held my breath to immerse myself in all he told me. And I remember clearly, how we drank tea in the end of the date in his granny's cramped kitchen - after a Nirvana Jam in Von Krahl bar, after an hour walk in chilly February - and he told me about this book. The whole evening was novel for me, plus falling in love. There and then I decided to read the book. I didn't know of any sequels or prequels or the complexity of following in great father's footprints - and some of them didn't even exist back then.

Previously I had been an avid reader of almost everything that happened to be within reading distance. Everything remotely readable in my family home was read - with more fascinating books read many times over¹. But there weren't many science-fiction/fantasy books there. Just some from Mirabilia series - thin and not that epic, I still liked them more than the others. And so when I read the first, the real Dune (hereafter referenced as "the real Dune"), I was amazed. It was entirely different from all I had read at that time, so precisely balanced, so through in all its details, thought-provoking, absolutely non-soapy... I loved the delicate balance of politics in the book, the massive scale of ecology, the expanded limits of human abilities. It really made me think - and I love that about books (and everything else).

By the time I got my hands on Dune Messiah and Children of Dune, I had read the first Dune novel at least ten times. Strangest thing about it was, how every time I read it the time-span seemed to shrink - at first reading I did really feel the years as they were pictured, but later the whole book seemed to last only a few months. Somehow it became so hectic, everything happening too fast, when I already knew, what will happen.

So when I came to Dune Messiah, my hopes were really up. And I was disappointed. I think this is the most pointless of all the Dune books written by Frank Herbert. If I didn't have Children of Dune already there in the reading distance, I probably would have stopped the dive into Dune Universe right there. Dune Messiah seemed like an afterthought, like the material left out of the real Dune, showing only the inevitable, the logical and adding little of value. While Dune was a really strong standalone book, this is not. It couldn't exist without the real Dune. It won't hurt if you won't read it at all and continue with the others in this series.

But with Children of Dune the series found a new breathing - you could see it developing toward another goal, toward something greater than the universe as they in the book know it, a buildup to something even greater. I always think that Frank didn't think of visiting the Dune universe again after the real Dune, but seeing its success he had to write more and so there was Dune Messiah. But after or while writing it he got the new great idea, how you really should go about being the Kwisatz Haderach on the throne of the empire, about directing the future and Children of Dune is the buildup to that and more. After that book I still had some doubts, but now I understand that by that time I was locked in and had to follow the series.

Then I broke up with the man I mentioned at the start of this post. I won't go into details in that awful breakup, but I want to stress that I was disappointed in the man who told me about Dune, but I was never disappointed in Dune itself. So when we split up I lost half the books I liked to read over and over again and had to start ordering new ones². I did. I went to Amazon and a few books at a time they arrived. Dune was one of the series I ordered pretty soon. I remember loving God Emperor of Dune - the end of the thousand-year peace which made me think about how the short-term solution always conflicts with long-term goals, how it is unavoidable, that you have to sacrifice some of today for the better of tomorrow - but how far can you go in that sacrifice? How long ahead can you see, how far can you set your goals? Is it fortunate or not that our life-span is thus limited? I found it a good book in itself and almost didn't notice it building up to even more, the urgency of Leto II to prepare people for what is to come. Somehow it is one of the favorites for me among the series. Somehow it is the turning point, maybe because it is stronger in philosophy than those two before that. Though it is pretty good and defined as a standalone book, you have to know the background to really enjoy it.

Heretics of Dune and Chapterhouse: Dune were good books, still written in Frank's enjoyable cryptic style, involving more of the exciting Sisterhood's intrigues and bringing in new forces, showing the changing universe, but overshadowed for me by the Golden Age, the thousand-year-peace. Somehow they seemed to be a decline, or rather felt as a calm before the storm. All of it seemed logical, but I was already too much in the universe and I read it more for the completeness than for any great truth to be discovered. After reading them I was curious of what will be that great unidentified danger and how could they conquer it, but thought I would never know. I read and reread the Frank series of the Dune books and was quite happy.

Until, surely Amazon got back to me with exciting new possibilities - Frank's son writing prequels and promising to end the series as well. Of course I recognized it instantly for what it was - making more money, milking the same cow that already cashed in pretty well, I guess. I agonized over the decision to buy or not to buy the books which were not written by Frank - but my fandom was rooted too deep and I had to find out more about them.

So I bought the House-trilogy (House Atreides, House Harkonnen, House Corrino). Frankly I think it should have been one book - no book in the series can be considered standalone - and it is the most pointless of all books Brian Herbert and Kevin J. Anderson have inflicted upon the Dune universe. There were logic errors, the book was disgustingly soapy and dragging. I believe it is intentionally stretched into trilogy so that you could charge for three books instead of one. There are so-oh many Dune fans out there who can be cashed for being disappointed - but who won't resist just like me. And I would like to believe Frank wouldn't think well of publishing even one concentrate of them instead those three. It doesn't really add any value into the series, it is just a way to feel nostalgic about Dune.

But did it stop me from ordering even more of the books written by that tandem? No, I couldn't, with the promise of bringing in material left from Frank himself looming ahead. Though I admit that after the fiasco of House series I agonized over the decision even more. But I could not deny my will to extract the bits of original outline scattered amongst the excess and I ordered the Butlerian Jihad trilogy (The Butlerian Jihad, The Machine Crusade, The Battle of Corrin). Once again a trilogy instead of a single book. But this time I think it does add value. All throughout the real Dune series there are scattered hints about the end of the machine age, but never definite enough to understand how it came to the machine-free universe of the real Dune (Thou shalt never make a machine in likeness of the human mind!) and the exploration of the limits of human beings. And after reading the last books, allegedly on the outline by Frank himself, I say that it does explain the "evil" machines better, make them understood, what they are and why.

But even though adding value, it also adds excess weight, excess hundreds of pages to the series as well. It is stretched longer than needed with pages of people's reflections and memories, of telling the reader about everything he/she already knows and understands. I think I managed to get past my frustration only because my practice at "swallowing" the books - when you read quickly enough, you pass over the excess sections quickly as well and they don't bother you as much. You can just extract the important bits. But it is not enjoyment, the snobbish lingering over each sentence as could be the case with Frank's books. I really miss the cryptic writing style of Frank, I have never read anything like that before or afterwards, at least in non-scientific books and scientific books aren't that enjoyable in themselves, they are not meant to be.

Oh, but where was I? At the earliest end of the whole Dune series (with prequels and sequels). After reading the Butlerian Jihad trilogy I was really determined to read the end, no matter how expensive and dragged it should be. In fore- and afterwords the tandem of Brian and Kevin had promised a book to end the series. I read carefully all the mail Amazon sent me - though I did go on the "recommended" page and marked "Not interested" all non-Dune Kevin J. Anderson's and Brian Herbert's books. And then came the day and I instantly pre-ordered Hunters of Dune. When I saw the book - bigger format than the ones before, but also more thick - I hoped this could be it, my last investment into the series - as ugly as it is to be so much bigger. I really hoped they managed to pull themselves together and put it all into one book. But really, you can't talk about it without Sandworms of Dune that came after a year of waiting for me. They are not standalone books, don't let them be sold to you thus. You have to read them both. But it is an improvement over three that was customary before that.

About them - the tandem still writes the same way, bringing in more than should be brought in. But if you read it quickly, past those musings, then the information is there, that you could expect to have in the end of the Frank books. DukeLupus complained about too simple characters in the books, but I tell you honestly, that I didn't even notice while reading, but if I think back then he is right. I myself was probably already too cynical at the time of reading the books to expect more and tried to be blind to everything else but the outline, the Frank heritage in it. But now I see that there was a whole undeveloped potential there - and instead they filled the pages with trivial or unimportant bits.

In the end it is really sad that Frank died before finishing the series himself. I am sure he would have done a far better job with it. Writing and rereading this piece I see that Frank's writing has been in waves. The best, then less, then buildup, then whoa! and then a little calm before the storm again. I would guess that the grand finale would have been more grand if he would have had the time. But it is good to have been finished at all. And for those not having read the prequels and sequels - try to look past that writing style, the price, the volume, and you'll see a bit of Frank here and there. Frank or the reason you read his books in the first place.

Notes
1. They said I was not reading books - I was swallowing them. I think, I was rather being swallowed by them.

2. At that time it was impossible to find Dune books - or any good sci-fi/fantasy books - in Estonian shops. This has improved since then, but I still get most of my books from Amazon or as loans from friends - I don't have that many books.

Laziness hurts in the end

Last weekend a friend of mine - whom I had had as a friend long time ago and now our friendship was renewed - gave me some music. I copied it to my !New Folder, where there were other folders of half-unlistened albums from two other friends as well. Some of them from very long time ago - close to a year? Anyway, I listened to those albums, that A. gave me for a while and classified them - deleted some, moved some, etc. Then I decided I should organize other music in that folder as well.

As I said, they had been there for long. I had tried to listen to them, but never really had paid attention to them. So when I listened to those albums, one by one, moving some to the main folder, deleting others, I came upon an album that literally made me cry. It was so beautiful! Sad, delicate, perfect. I couldn't believe I had dismissed it always before - and I had listened to it before, so much that some of it even sounded familiar. I couldn't work any more, I had to listen to it. I had to stop organizing folders because I had to listen to it. I listened and I listened and although the album itself was rather sad, touching on some of the not-so-happy points in my own life as well, I was even more sad about the fact that I hadn't discovered the treasure earlier. I had it right there, for too long to be tolerated. I listened to it, but never understood how good it was. It was always there, but I never did anything to take it, to even try it. Just as it is the case with some other things in my life.

Now I feel like I have to make some promises - to always organize things sooner, as soon as I get them, won't let it happen again -, but I can't give those promises and believe them to be true. I know I am lazy. I'd like to accomplish many things, so many that at some times I can't choose, which to pursue next (when I have the time and place and privacy, will I knit, write (blog or book?), paint (new or some of the unfinished stuff?), read (which of the books?), do something for my house, search for a longer skirt (or its canvas?) or well-fitting trousers in shops, work out, etc). Organizing music I have is just one of those options. I just can't start without wondering that maybe something else would be more practical, more productive, more enjoyable thing to do. I love doing all of those I listed above, but there are always some things that need to get done more than these. Things I don't enjoy so much, but that have to get done. There is always something I should do with my time, even when it subtracts from one of my long-term goals. And it is so-oo enjoyable to just lay around, just feel comfortable in my laziness. Just feel like I can let myself enjoy it. Just sleep. Dream. Nothing serious. And so the weeks and months - and years! - go by and I have not really finished a picture, got off from the start of my book, more than started my next jumper, etc.

I always wonder how come some people have the initiative and will to do great things, that take so much time. The willingness to risk losing everything for some great goal. The ability to choose one of these many things that are in one's life. I can't do it. I can't accomplish anything with my focus divided. I can't even start doing anything when I am just so lazy. And it hurts to see, that another measure (a month, a season, a year) has gone by and still, nothing accomplished, nothing really moved.What to do? I don't know.

Soundtrack: Dial - Synchronized

Infosüsteem on kõigile kasulik

Post on tehtud ettevalmistades ettekannet esinemisoskuste koolituseks. Kuna seal on mul (homme!) aega ainult 5 minutit, siis pidi see olema lihtne, lühike ja üldmõistetaval tasemel. Tahtsin siiski, et see puutuks natukene minu erialasse ja töösse, et saaksin just selle jaoks olulisi/sellega sarnanevaid argumente harjutada. Vabandan kõigi ees, kellele see on iseenesestmõistetav ja lausa rumalalt lihtne. Luban edaspidi keerulisemalt ja pikemalt kirjutada :)

Ma olen tarkvara analüütik firmas Uptime. Uptime tegeleb tarkvarasüsteemide loomisega vastavalt iga firma või asutuse eripärale. Minu töö on välja selgitada, mis probleemid kliendil on ja kuidas neid infosüsteemis lahendada. Ma olen olnud analüütik umbkaudu neli aastat ja selle aja jooksul olen ma kokku puutunud vähemalt kümne infosüsteemiga. Neid infosüsteeme on tellinud väga erinevad kliendid - riigiasutused, firmad - suuremad ja väiksemad - ja väga erinevatest ärivaldkondadest. Ma tahtsin siin rääkida seda, mida ma neile räägin, aga paraku on konkreetsed lahendused konfidentsiaalsed niiet ma ei või neist rääkida. Niisiis mõtlesin rääkida üldisemal tasemel, mida tavaliselt kolm osapoolt - töötaja, juhtkond ja klient - tarkvarasüsteemist saavad.

Mida saab töötaja? Huvitav töö Kindlustunne	Alustan töötajast, sest tema puutub tarkvarasüsteemiga kõige tihedamalt kokku. Esimene asi, mida töötaja saab tänu infosüsteemile on huvitav töö. Tänu infosüsteemile saab töötaja keskenduda oma töös huvitavale osale - sellele mille pärast ta kunagi üldse oma eriala valis, miks ta tahab tööl käia. Ta ei pea tegelema paberimäärimisega, rutiinse tööga, paberihunnikutest või eri failidest info kokku otsimisega - need osad teeb hea infosüsteem ise töötaja eest ära. Järgi jääb just see osa tööst, mis talle endale meeldib. Teine asi, mida töötaja saab, on Kindlustunne. Kindlustunne teadmisest, kus on tööjärg; kindlustunne, et ta ei pea liiga täpselt kontrollima oma sisestatud andmeid; kindlustunne, et teatud hetkedel saadab süsteem talle meeldetuletusi. Selge on, et töötaja saab infosüsteemi kasutamisest märkimisväärset kasu.
Mida saab juhatus? Ühene info Rohkem raha	Järgmiseks, juhatus. Hoolimata sellest, et juhatus võibolla tarkvara nii tihedalt ei kasuta, on minu kui analüütiku jaoks oluline nende kasu välja selgitada, sest neilt tuleb projekti kinnitus, raha minu töö eest. Niisiis, mis nad saavad? Ühene info. Infosüsteemi olemasolul saab sinna luua kokkuvõtted infost, mida on juhatusel vaja, et otsustada, mida firma peab tegema, kuhu liikuma. Ilma infosüsteemita see ülevaade tihtipeale puudub või on väga raskesti, ainult väga suure tööga saavutatav. Infosüsteemis tüüpiliselt avad vastava vaate ja info on olemas. Rohkem raha. See on ilmselt kõige olulisem iga ettevõtte juhtkonnale. Tarkvara on investeering, mis toob raha sisse. Ja mis veel oluline, see on mõõdetav. Töötajad teevad efektiivsemat tööd, teenindavad rohkem kliente ja kliendid tulevad konkurentide juurest ära - sest neile pakutakse siin paremaid tooteid ja teenuseid - kokkuvõttes rohkem raha. Niisiis juhatuse kasud on vastuvaidlematud.
Mida saab klient? Hea teenindus Erilised tooted	Jääb veel klient. Mis ta saab? Nagu ma enne juba mainisin, saab ta hea teeninduse. Keegi meist ei taha ilmselt tagasi minna aega, kus poes või mõne teenuse pakkuja juures käis majandamine ainult paberitel? Ei. Tänu infosüsteemi olemasolule käib kõik kiirelt ja efektiivselt - olgu see siis esialgne toote tellimine, muudatuste sisse viimine või mingi probleemi lahendamine. Ja see ongi hea teenindus, nii palju kui infosüsteem saab seda tagada - inimesi infosüsteem muuta ei saa. Erilised tooted. Kuna juhatusel oli kogu vajalik info olemas oli tal ehk piisavalt mõistust, et teha konkurendist paremad tooted - just need, mida kliendil on vaja. Niiet ka klient saab kasu sellest, et firmal on infosüsteem. Lõplikust esitlusest jäi kliendi osa välja, sest muidu läks ajaliselt liiga pikaks, aga siia jätsin ta alles.

Niisiis kõik osapooled - töötaja, juhatus ja firma klient - saavad infosüsteemist suurt kasu.