How I appreciate art

This is in part a reply to Mongolian Deathworm's comment to Unconquerable Wet Fire.

Although I enjoy painting and some other activities that might be called art, I am not a big art appraiser myself. I might find something nice, but most of the items are somehow boring - or maybe that's what bad art is? or maybe it just doesn't get through to me because I am not a big art appraiser? Anyway I thought to write a little bit of how I think of different art.

One and the earliest ways I have appreciated art is by seeing how exact and recognizable objects are. If I understand the story behind the piece, if I can explain myself why the artist did what he or she did. I can appreciate the exactness and ability of replicating the real world in his/her work. That way I am appreciating more the skill not the overall piece. But I think it is really hard to make realistic art tell something straight to your heart. You can enjoy the picture, the beauty (or not), the objects, associate them with your own life, but there is something missing. I myself try not to replicate objects that I see, mostly anyway. I think I am not very skillful at drawing but, more to the point, I feel that I rather take a photo than draw the same thing up. It is only rare cases when a photo can't show what you wanted to.

Another way is when you can't really tell by picture alone, what is it that the artist tries to say. Does he or she try to tell at all or is it just beauty- an ornament - that he or she is after? You have to look at the picture as well as inside yourself to understand what it really means. Sometimes the picture's name will point you in some sensible direction, sometimes the name doesn't connect you at all. I like this way the best, because each time the experience is different. Every time I might feel differently about the picture, every time explaining it differently. Yet sometimes not making the connection at all. That way even a familiar art museum can give you something. That is what I try to achieve with my pictures¹. Nothing recognizable (though I am a human and have trouble making it abstract enough), nothing even in symbols. Colors, movement, techniques, lines and contrast - these will have to stay because a picture is nothing if it does not captivate somehow.

And then there is conceptual art. Art which is to shock you somehow. Art of exploring the boundaries. I say this is only rarely done well enough for me not to feel bored and even disgusted with it. This is how I think about "Domestic Tension" of Wafaa Bilal. It is a novel way of doing art, the random element of the mass thrown in as co-artists, Internet as the new media is used. It is all nice - and it is sad that his point got proven -, but it is only an interesting idea and one that doesn't captivate me, doesn't make me feel enlightened. There might be more to it, maybe if I had seen the performance at the time I had thought about it differently, but right now it's just a curious fact that that kind of art exists.

Now don't get me wrong, I am not against good conceptual art. To illustrate I'll tell you about a video I saw in Kiasma (Helsinki Modern Art Museum) a few years ago and can't forget even now. It was a silent video, at first nothing special. It was a sunny street corner, where several young people were hanging out. There were four different groups of one (with a mobile phone) to three (on some kind of discarded couch in the center). When you gave it a passing glance you thought it to be just about hanging out, about social life. But when you paid more attention, then you understood, that each group was in a separate loop in itself. They all repeated their actions, but the length of one loop was different. But nevertheless you could see how the groups still interacted with each-other and it was always as if it was meant to be exactly like that. You could see one group telling a joke at another and the other answering, etc, etc. I think I sat there for fifteen minutes absolutely in awe.

And then there is life and the appreciation you can get only from living yourself. You might find me captivated at odd moments. It might be an emotion on someone's face, it might be the feeling I feel in my arm, it might be some vague thought that happens to come into my mind at just the right moment, it might be an unwanted detail in exactly the right position on the floor, it might be the room designer has done a good job - but you'll see my eyes going distant and me, I am happy for that moment. Happy to have recognized it, to have felt it, maybe even memorized it for later viewing or thinking about it. Some might tell, that it is not art, but I appreciate it just the same. What is art anyway? Only the things displayed as art? That is a question still unsatisfactorily answered.

Notes
1. I am a bad judge of that because in me there is the itch I scratch with making the picture and I can remember it too well when looking at it.

Dune - the whole series with sequels and prequels to Frank's books

My friend DukeLupus recently finished the series of Dune books and posted an article in his blog about the last books (Hunters of Dune, Sandworms of Dune). I am the Kaja he thanked for loaning the books. And he asked me if I could post my comments on the series as well. I'll try. But knowing myself I write more about how and when I was reading than about my opinion or something worth knowing.

Warning! I didn't make sure to avoid spoilers, there might be some! It is more of a musing about already-read books than recommending to get acquainted.

I came upon Dune in a way that made impossible not loving it. I remember clearly the first date with the man. I was 18. He was the smartest guy I had ever known. I almost held my breath to immerse myself in all he told me. And I remember clearly, how we drank tea in the end of the date in his granny's cramped kitchen - after a Nirvana Jam in Von Krahl bar, after an hour walk in chilly February - and he told me about this book. The whole evening was novel for me, plus falling in love. There and then I decided to read the book. I didn't know of any sequels or prequels or the complexity of following in great father's footprints - and some of them didn't even exist back then.

Previously I had been an avid reader of almost everything that happened to be within reading distance. Everything remotely readable in my family home was read - with more fascinating books read many times over¹. But there weren't many science-fiction/fantasy books there. Just some from Mirabilia series - thin and not that epic, I still liked them more than the others. And so when I read the first, the real Dune (hereafter referenced as "the real Dune"), I was amazed. It was entirely different from all I had read at that time, so precisely balanced, so through in all its details, thought-provoking, absolutely non-soapy... I loved the delicate balance of politics in the book, the massive scale of ecology, the expanded limits of human abilities. It really made me think - and I love that about books (and everything else).

By the time I got my hands on Dune Messiah and Children of Dune, I had read the first Dune novel at least ten times. Strangest thing about it was, how every time I read it the time-span seemed to shrink - at first reading I did really feel the years as they were pictured, but later the whole book seemed to last only a few months. Somehow it became so hectic, everything happening too fast, when I already knew, what will happen.

So when I came to Dune Messiah, my hopes were really up. And I was disappointed. I think this is the most pointless of all the Dune books written by Frank Herbert. If I didn't have Children of Dune already there in the reading distance, I probably would have stopped the dive into Dune Universe right there. Dune Messiah seemed like an afterthought, like the material left out of the real Dune, showing only the inevitable, the logical and adding little of value. While Dune was a really strong standalone book, this is not. It couldn't exist without the real Dune. It won't hurt if you won't read it at all and continue with the others in this series.

But with Children of Dune the series found a new breathing - you could see it developing toward another goal, toward something greater than the universe as they in the book know it, a buildup to something even greater. I always think that Frank didn't think of visiting the Dune universe again after the real Dune, but seeing its success he had to write more and so there was Dune Messiah. But after or while writing it he got the new great idea, how you really should go about being the Kwisatz Haderach on the throne of the empire, about directing the future and Children of Dune is the buildup to that and more. After that book I still had some doubts, but now I understand that by that time I was locked in and had to follow the series.

Then I broke up with the man I mentioned at the start of this post. I won't go into details in that awful breakup, but I want to stress that I was disappointed in the man who told me about Dune, but I was never disappointed in Dune itself. So when we split up I lost half the books I liked to read over and over again and had to start ordering new ones². I did. I went to Amazon and a few books at a time they arrived. Dune was one of the series I ordered pretty soon. I remember loving God Emperor of Dune - the end of the thousand-year peace which made me think about how the short-term solution always conflicts with long-term goals, how it is unavoidable, that you have to sacrifice some of today for the better of tomorrow - but how far can you go in that sacrifice? How long ahead can you see, how far can you set your goals? Is it fortunate or not that our life-span is thus limited? I found it a good book in itself and almost didn't notice it building up to even more, the urgency of Leto II to prepare people for what is to come. Somehow it is one of the favorites for me among the series. Somehow it is the turning point, maybe because it is stronger in philosophy than those two before that. Though it is pretty good and defined as a standalone book, you have to know the background to really enjoy it.

Heretics of Dune and Chapterhouse: Dune were good books, still written in Frank's enjoyable cryptic style, involving more of the exciting Sisterhood's intrigues and bringing in new forces, showing the changing universe, but overshadowed for me by the Golden Age, the thousand-year-peace. Somehow they seemed to be a decline, or rather felt as a calm before the storm. All of it seemed logical, but I was already too much in the universe and I read it more for the completeness than for any great truth to be discovered. After reading them I was curious of what will be that great unidentified danger and how could they conquer it, but thought I would never know. I read and reread the Frank series of the Dune books and was quite happy.

Until, surely Amazon got back to me with exciting new possibilities - Frank's son writing prequels and promising to end the series as well. Of course I recognized it instantly for what it was - making more money, milking the same cow that already cashed in pretty well, I guess. I agonized over the decision to buy or not to buy the books which were not written by Frank - but my fandom was rooted too deep and I had to find out more about them.

So I bought the House-trilogy (House Atreides, House Harkonnen, House Corrino). Frankly I think it should have been one book - no book in the series can be considered standalone - and it is the most pointless of all books Brian Herbert and Kevin J. Anderson have inflicted upon the Dune universe. There were logic errors, the book was disgustingly soapy and dragging. I believe it is intentionally stretched into trilogy so that you could charge for three books instead of one. There are so-oh many Dune fans out there who can be cashed for being disappointed - but who won't resist just like me. And I would like to believe Frank wouldn't think well of publishing even one concentrate of them instead those three. It doesn't really add any value into the series, it is just a way to feel nostalgic about Dune.

But did it stop me from ordering even more of the books written by that tandem? No, I couldn't, with the promise of bringing in material left from Frank himself looming ahead. Though I admit that after the fiasco of House series I agonized over the decision even more. But I could not deny my will to extract the bits of original outline scattered amongst the excess and I ordered the Butlerian Jihad trilogy (The Butlerian Jihad, The Machine Crusade, The Battle of Corrin). Once again a trilogy instead of a single book. But this time I think it does add value. All throughout the real Dune series there are scattered hints about the end of the machine age, but never definite enough to understand how it came to the machine-free universe of the real Dune (Thou shalt never make a machine in likeness of the human mind!) and the exploration of the limits of human beings. And after reading the last books, allegedly on the outline by Frank himself, I say that it does explain the "evil" machines better, make them understood, what they are and why.

But even though adding value, it also adds excess weight, excess hundreds of pages to the series as well. It is stretched longer than needed with pages of people's reflections and memories, of telling the reader about everything he/she already knows and understands. I think I managed to get past my frustration only because my practice at "swallowing" the books - when you read quickly enough, you pass over the excess sections quickly as well and they don't bother you as much. You can just extract the important bits. But it is not enjoyment, the snobbish lingering over each sentence as could be the case with Frank's books. I really miss the cryptic writing style of Frank, I have never read anything like that before or afterwards, at least in non-scientific books and scientific books aren't that enjoyable in themselves, they are not meant to be.

Oh, but where was I? At the earliest end of the whole Dune series (with prequels and sequels). After reading the Butlerian Jihad trilogy I was really determined to read the end, no matter how expensive and dragged it should be. In fore- and afterwords the tandem of Brian and Kevin had promised a book to end the series. I read carefully all the mail Amazon sent me - though I did go on the "recommended" page and marked "Not interested" all non-Dune Kevin J. Anderson's and Brian Herbert's books. And then came the day and I instantly pre-ordered Hunters of Dune. When I saw the book - bigger format than the ones before, but also more thick - I hoped this could be it, my last investment into the series - as ugly as it is to be so much bigger. I really hoped they managed to pull themselves together and put it all into one book. But really, you can't talk about it without Sandworms of Dune that came after a year of waiting for me. They are not standalone books, don't let them be sold to you thus. You have to read them both. But it is an improvement over three that was customary before that.

About them - the tandem still writes the same way, bringing in more than should be brought in. But if you read it quickly, past those musings, then the information is there, that you could expect to have in the end of the Frank books. DukeLupus complained about too simple characters in the books, but I tell you honestly, that I didn't even notice while reading, but if I think back then he is right. I myself was probably already too cynical at the time of reading the books to expect more and tried to be blind to everything else but the outline, the Frank heritage in it. But now I see that there was a whole undeveloped potential there - and instead they filled the pages with trivial or unimportant bits.

In the end it is really sad that Frank died before finishing the series himself. I am sure he would have done a far better job with it. Writing and rereading this piece I see that Frank's writing has been in waves. The best, then less, then buildup, then whoa! and then a little calm before the storm again. I would guess that the grand finale would have been more grand if he would have had the time. But it is good to have been finished at all. And for those not having read the prequels and sequels - try to look past that writing style, the price, the volume, and you'll see a bit of Frank here and there. Frank or the reason you read his books in the first place.

Notes
1. They said I was not reading books - I was swallowing them. I think, I was rather being swallowed by them.

2. At that time it was impossible to find Dune books - or any good sci-fi/fantasy books - in Estonian shops. This has improved since then, but I still get most of my books from Amazon or as loans from friends - I don't have that many books.

Laziness hurts in the end

Last weekend a friend of mine - whom I had had as a friend long time ago and now our friendship was renewed - gave me some music. I copied it to my !New Folder, where there were other folders of half-unlistened albums from two other friends as well. Some of them from very long time ago - close to a year? Anyway, I listened to those albums, that A. gave me for a while and classified them - deleted some, moved some, etc. Then I decided I should organize other music in that folder as well.

As I said, they had been there for long. I had tried to listen to them, but never really had paid attention to them. So when I listened to those albums, one by one, moving some to the main folder, deleting others, I came upon an album that literally made me cry. It was so beautiful! Sad, delicate, perfect. I couldn't believe I had dismissed it always before - and I had listened to it before, so much that some of it even sounded familiar. I couldn't work any more, I had to listen to it. I had to stop organizing folders because I had to listen to it. I listened and I listened and although the album itself was rather sad, touching on some of the not-so-happy points in my own life as well, I was even more sad about the fact that I hadn't discovered the treasure earlier. I had it right there, for too long to be tolerated. I listened to it, but never understood how good it was. It was always there, but I never did anything to take it, to even try it. Just as it is the case with some other things in my life.

Now I feel like I have to make some promises - to always organize things sooner, as soon as I get them, won't let it happen again -, but I can't give those promises and believe them to be true. I know I am lazy. I'd like to accomplish many things, so many that at some times I can't choose, which to pursue next (when I have the time and place and privacy, will I knit, write (blog or book?), paint (new or some of the unfinished stuff?), read (which of the books?), do something for my house, search for a longer skirt (or its canvas?) or well-fitting trousers in shops, work out, etc). Organizing music I have is just one of those options. I just can't start without wondering that maybe something else would be more practical, more productive, more enjoyable thing to do. I love doing all of those I listed above, but there are always some things that need to get done more than these. Things I don't enjoy so much, but that have to get done. There is always something I should do with my time, even when it subtracts from one of my long-term goals. And it is so-oo enjoyable to just lay around, just feel comfortable in my laziness. Just feel like I can let myself enjoy it. Just sleep. Dream. Nothing serious. And so the weeks and months - and years! - go by and I have not really finished a picture, got off from the start of my book, more than started my next jumper, etc.

I always wonder how come some people have the initiative and will to do great things, that take so much time. The willingness to risk losing everything for some great goal. The ability to choose one of these many things that are in one's life. I can't do it. I can't accomplish anything with my focus divided. I can't even start doing anything when I am just so lazy. And it hurts to see, that another measure (a month, a season, a year) has gone by and still, nothing accomplished, nothing really moved.What to do? I don't know.

Soundtrack: Dial - Synchronized

Infosüsteem on kõigile kasulik

Post on tehtud ettevalmistades ettekannet esinemisoskuste koolituseks. Kuna seal on mul (homme!) aega ainult 5 minutit, siis pidi see olema lihtne, lühike ja üldmõistetaval tasemel. Tahtsin siiski, et see puutuks natukene minu erialasse ja töösse, et saaksin just selle jaoks olulisi/sellega sarnanevaid argumente harjutada. Vabandan kõigi ees, kellele see on iseenesestmõistetav ja lausa rumalalt lihtne. Luban edaspidi keerulisemalt ja pikemalt kirjutada :)

Ma olen tarkvara analüütik firmas Uptime. Uptime tegeleb tarkvarasüsteemide loomisega vastavalt iga firma või asutuse eripärale. Minu töö on välja selgitada, mis probleemid kliendil on ja kuidas neid infosüsteemis lahendada. Ma olen olnud analüütik umbkaudu neli aastat ja selle aja jooksul olen ma kokku puutunud vähemalt kümne infosüsteemiga. Neid infosüsteeme on tellinud väga erinevad kliendid - riigiasutused, firmad - suuremad ja väiksemad - ja väga erinevatest ärivaldkondadest. Ma tahtsin siin rääkida seda, mida ma neile räägin, aga paraku on konkreetsed lahendused konfidentsiaalsed niiet ma ei või neist rääkida. Niisiis mõtlesin rääkida üldisemal tasemel, mida tavaliselt kolm osapoolt - töötaja, juhtkond ja klient - tarkvarasüsteemist saavad.

Mida saab töötaja? Huvitav töö Kindlustunne	Alustan töötajast, sest tema puutub tarkvarasüsteemiga kõige tihedamalt kokku. Esimene asi, mida töötaja saab tänu infosüsteemile on huvitav töö. Tänu infosüsteemile saab töötaja keskenduda oma töös huvitavale osale - sellele mille pärast ta kunagi üldse oma eriala valis, miks ta tahab tööl käia. Ta ei pea tegelema paberimäärimisega, rutiinse tööga, paberihunnikutest või eri failidest info kokku otsimisega - need osad teeb hea infosüsteem ise töötaja eest ära. Järgi jääb just see osa tööst, mis talle endale meeldib. Teine asi, mida töötaja saab, on Kindlustunne. Kindlustunne teadmisest, kus on tööjärg; kindlustunne, et ta ei pea liiga täpselt kontrollima oma sisestatud andmeid; kindlustunne, et teatud hetkedel saadab süsteem talle meeldetuletusi. Selge on, et töötaja saab infosüsteemi kasutamisest märkimisväärset kasu.
Mida saab juhatus? Ühene info Rohkem raha	Järgmiseks, juhatus. Hoolimata sellest, et juhatus võibolla tarkvara nii tihedalt ei kasuta, on minu kui analüütiku jaoks oluline nende kasu välja selgitada, sest neilt tuleb projekti kinnitus, raha minu töö eest. Niisiis, mis nad saavad? Ühene info. Infosüsteemi olemasolul saab sinna luua kokkuvõtted infost, mida on juhatusel vaja, et otsustada, mida firma peab tegema, kuhu liikuma. Ilma infosüsteemita see ülevaade tihtipeale puudub või on väga raskesti, ainult väga suure tööga saavutatav. Infosüsteemis tüüpiliselt avad vastava vaate ja info on olemas. Rohkem raha. See on ilmselt kõige olulisem iga ettevõtte juhtkonnale. Tarkvara on investeering, mis toob raha sisse. Ja mis veel oluline, see on mõõdetav. Töötajad teevad efektiivsemat tööd, teenindavad rohkem kliente ja kliendid tulevad konkurentide juurest ära - sest neile pakutakse siin paremaid tooteid ja teenuseid - kokkuvõttes rohkem raha. Niisiis juhatuse kasud on vastuvaidlematud.
Mida saab klient? Hea teenindus Erilised tooted	Jääb veel klient. Mis ta saab? Nagu ma enne juba mainisin, saab ta hea teeninduse. Keegi meist ei taha ilmselt tagasi minna aega, kus poes või mõne teenuse pakkuja juures käis majandamine ainult paberitel? Ei. Tänu infosüsteemi olemasolule käib kõik kiirelt ja efektiivselt - olgu see siis esialgne toote tellimine, muudatuste sisse viimine või mingi probleemi lahendamine. Ja see ongi hea teenindus, nii palju kui infosüsteem saab seda tagada - inimesi infosüsteem muuta ei saa. Erilised tooted. Kuna juhatusel oli kogu vajalik info olemas oli tal ehk piisavalt mõistust, et teha konkurendist paremad tooted - just need, mida kliendil on vaja. Niiet ka klient saab kasu sellest, et firmal on infosüsteem. Lõplikust esitlusest jäi kliendi osa välja, sest muidu läks ajaliselt liiga pikaks, aga siia jätsin ta alles.

Niisiis kõik osapooled - töötaja, juhatus ja firma klient - saavad infosüsteemist suurt kasu.

Unconquerable Wet Fire

Today I did what I haven't done for ages. What I should have done months ago. I made photographs of my paintings - to be uploaded here and to my homepage. The paintings were ready in November, but I haven't took the time to take pictures of them. By the way - taking a good picture of a painting is not easy. The hardest part is to get your camera to be parallel to the picture. I can never do it quite perfectly so I'll cut some edges and corners of the picture afterwards. Another difficulty is of getting the light just right to let camera see the right colors on the pics. And this is another thing I fail at constantly. I change the color balance/contrast/lightness later in some picture editing program just to make it closest to the real thing, but it is never quite perfect. So, I'm sorry, but that's unavoidable until it is me to do it. Any volunteers to do it better..?

Anyhow, here they are.

Unconquerable

Wet Fire

To skirt or not?

I have been to work in skirt for two days now. I had some perfectly good reasons to:

• My usual jeans are hopelessly threadbare, even having holes in indecent places.
• Other trousers I have are hopelessly out of fashion and don't even fit any more (they have stretched bigger - I haven't lost weight).
• There have been some more springlike weather than the usual something-in-between.
  
• I've felt like I need some imago change for a while. So it was good to try out one possibility.

This experiment has yielded some unpleasant results, though. Or depends how to look at things...

The results are as follows:

A workmate (a he) I get along with quite well told me that his mouth was almost left agape at me. Now, I am not in a line of business, where complements are handed out generously. I am not even in a land where inhabitants would be generous with them. Vice versa, they rather keep themselves reserved, critical, detached and honest to the point of rudeness, especially in IT. So it was a blow to me. Not that I wouldn't like to look jaw-dropping sometimes, I rather do, who wouldn't, but there is always something more behind a complement like this. At the moment I heard it, I once again became afraid of losing a friend and gaining yet another "someone to avoid". (If you do read it, think about it, please.) Fortunately in this case I know it is alright, but this was my first fear nevertheless. And the reason might not have been the skirt at all - I didn't press to find out.

But it got worse. I went to a client of mine to get the first details of a new project. There was only one man I had to meet, but there were several at the secretary, probably waiting for their turn in a meeting nextdoors. While I took off my coat the other guys started picking on the man I had come to meet. "I didn't know you had private meetings with such beautiful girls here" and the like (I tried hard not to remember them, but there was more, some of which I do remember but will not repeat here). I ignored them, I always do, this is my defense reflex, but I felt really awful. I could feel my host getting uncomfortable as well (or was it only my projection on how I would feel in the situation?). (Fortunately the meeting went well, that man already knows me.)

And it's not really that short a skirt, I tell you...

The reason for my feeling bad - aside from the rudeness of that other encounter - is this: I am not there to show off my appearances but actually I am on a very practical, serious and intellectual task there. I have to be sharp and logical and ready to perform my work well and their complementing me stirs up my emotions to cloud all that. Furthermore, I feel that being as feminine and nice-looking as to stir their oafish comments compromises my feeling of being taken seriously at work. I need to be taken seriously. Those who know me, do take me seriously - and I am more happy to know they want to work with me than, about any complements about my looks, ever - but I feel like I have to prove myself to everybody at the first time. Prove that despite my looks I can think, too.

And my looks aren't that good, also. Don't you dare to contradict me here!

Maybe if I had gone into modelling (I couldn't very seriously because I am 6 cm short of industry minimum, btw) I would enjoy getting complements on my looks.
Or if I was as cynical as one R., who has (in my mind) insulted some other women by saying they should use their strong side to get that smth (meaning: show off their nice looks and surely they'll get it) - even bragging about it himself.
But my chosen line of work is quite indifferent as to the appearances of people, I even think that too often good looks are a hindrance there.

And, you probably guessed it - there was an even worse incident. This time, fortunately, not at work. But if you wear a skirt, you wear it everywhere. In the bus. In the shops. On the street. And there are not only your IT-professionals from work - people with a certain shyness and probably some more school behind them -, there are people of all social and economic classes. It was on street that I got that painful reminder. I was peacefully walking down a street with my friend, past some really drunk middle-aged man (drunkenness should not be an excuse but an embarrasment in itself) and off those comments came. He was that drunk that it was hard to understand all his words and in my rush to get away-away-faster-away I didn't try, too, but he apparently took me for a prostitute and it was a really stomach-churning experience. This incident alone could make me avoid skirts from now on. Only once before have I been thought of being so low, and then it was a pedophile (I was only 12), who wasn't even drunk (but wouldn't stop following me as easily as that one today, too).

I know all of the blame is really on that man, but I can't help but wonder whether I could have avoided it somehow. And the first thing to come to mind is that skirt. The best way to avoid those is to dress as though you were going to work the fields. He wouldn't have probably muttered more than "nice a**", if I had been in jeans. Another way is to keep off the streets. Not really an option. Ignore them? I do. But emotionally, completely you can't. You can only avoid it getting even worse than that.

Now you think that's all, no skirt for liriel any more, but actually - all these situations are something a girl like me has to get used to, that I have gotten used to (to the point of forgetting why I don't wear skirts more often), even though they are not pleasant. If I hadn't thought about blogging the situations above I might have forgotten about them in a few days. Only reliving them now made me realize how clearly they are not what I would want into my life.

I think I'll wear a skirt sometimes in the future, too, but I might change it for a longer one. It might be more "me" as well. I don't really care about my looks and it should show. I don't really care about looking like a cute smart kid from school, I'd rather be a bit of a weirdo. But it is not today that I can change something. Tomorrow will see me in that skirt again, I don't think I can find a new and more "me" version before next week - and next week is an optimistic opinion.

* Soundtrack - Lush "I've Been Here Before"

Kui kallis on mulle kass*

Minu kõige lemmikumad loomad on alati olnud kassid, nii kaua kui ma mäletan. Lapsena mingil hetkel armastasin ka hobuseid jms, aga kass on olnud ja jäänud. Ja ma ei hooli isegi kassipoegadest niivõrd (mängimine jms) kui just täiskasvanud kassidest.

Lapsepõlves oli mu esimene pikem kokkupuude kassiga millalgi 11-12 eluaasta paiku, kui üks "metsik" kass tegi meie heintesse pesa, ema hakkas talle süüa andma ja ta jäi meie kassiks. Sellest peale on meil pidevalt vähemalt üks kass olnud, kõik (ühe erandiga) selle esimese kassiga suguluses. See kass, nimetagem siis nimepidi, Muki (2-3-aastane õde pani selle nime, ta ei taibanud, et see on koeranimi), oli minu arvates kõige ideaalsem kass üldse. Natuke pelglik, äärmiselt naiselik ja õrn, iseseisev. Tal ei oleks meid üldse vaja olnud, kuna ta toitis end vabalt hiirepüüdmisega ära, aga ta tuli sellegipoolest meie juurde ka siis kui ilm oli soe ja ta ise oli end nii täis söönud, et kõht märgatavalt suurem oli. Pai tegema ja pai saama. Olema seltsis. See mulle kasside juures nii väga meeldibki, et nad on väga iseseisvad, suhe nendega põhineb vastastikusel austusel (vs koer, kes armastab pimedalt ja sugugi mitte nii peenelt ja ausalt).

Aga läksin teemast natuke eemale. Nimelt unistasin siis lapsest saadik, et kui olen suur ja mul on oma kodu, siis võtan endale kassi. Ma isegi mõtlesin, milline ta olema peaks - lühikese karvaga, emane või väike isane ja ühevärviline. Muki oli laiguti triibuline, see oli vast ainus asi, mis mulle ta juures ei meeldinud. Värvil endal nii palju isegi vahet poleks, must, halli eri toonid, valge, pruun - kõik sobiks. Aga isegi mustal ei tahaks sokke jms laike.

Samas on mul olnud oma kodu juba 4 aastat ja ma ei ole selleni iroonilisel kombel kunagi jõudnud, et reaalselt kass võtta. Esialgu arvasin, et teen suuremad remondid enne ära; siis vaatasin, et mul on pojaga niigi raske; siis läks nagu meelest ja tuli uus remont peale... Ja nüüd lõpuks olen selles suunas rohkem ja realistlikumalt mõtlema hakanud ja ka poeg tahab väga. Talle meeldiks küll ka koer või mõni muu loom, aga kassiga on ta väga nõus. Niisiis olen hakanud uurima, mis ja kuidas olla võiks.

Ilmselt võtan kassi loomade varjupaigast sinna toodud kasside hulgast. See ei ole tasuta:

Uus omanik tasub looma vaktsineerimise, kiipimise ja
kastreerimise/steriliseerimisega seotud kulud

Täpset hinda ei ole öeldud, aga arvatavasti ei ole see midagi üle mõistuse.

Järgmiseks on vaja osta kassile minimaalsed vajalikud asjad - liivakast 79-500.-, kandekott 300-900.- (mina küll kardan süles kanda, kui vaja peaks minema).

Järgmine asi. Ma elan esimesel korrusel ja piirkond ei ole kõige turvalisem (Pelgulinn). Seega on mul peal valvesüsteem - kui keegi minu kodust äraolekul tubades liigutab, siis antakse häire. Seega uurisin oma turvafirmast, kas kass ka alarmi käivitab - "Jah," vastati, täpsemalt nii (koos kirjavigadega):

Selleks, et liikumisandurid ei reageeriks kassile, saab paigaldada loomaandurid. Ühe juhtmega loomaanduri hind on 578,20.- krooni. Pole vaja kõik andurid korteris vahetada, piisab nendest mis asuvad seal, kuhu kass vabalt pääseda saab. Andurite hinnale lisandub tehniku väljakutse hind, 490.- krooni.

Samas pean Teid ette teatama, et loomaandur ei anna 100% garantii, et valehäiret ei tekki. Loomaandur töötab kahe erineva kiire süsteemi põhimõttel , st. loomaanduri reageerimise piirkond on jagatud ülemiseks ja alumiseks. Juhul, kui liikumine toimub ainult alumises piirkonnas kõrgusel kuni 1 m, siis häiret ei teki. Juhul aga, kui liikumine toimub nii anduri ülemise kui ka alumise või ainult ülemise kiire piirkonnas, tekib häire. Seega, kui näiteks kass ronib kapi peale anduri reageerimise piirkonnas, võib see häiret põhjustada.

Siinkohal tahaksin tähelepanu pöörata, et tegelikult ei oleks sellisel juhul alumist kiirt üldse vaja - igal juhul kui ülemises piirkonnas miski liigub on häire... Kas neil tõesti ongi selline loogika või jäetakse midagi ütlemata/antakse valeinformatsiooni..?

See selleks. Kass pääseb minu kodus igas toas ka kõrgele ronima, selles ei ole kahtlust. Igal juhul tekitab see dilemma. Näen järgmisi variante:

Loobun valvest täielikult - Oht ju on, et keegi tungib sisse ja siis on kahjud meeletud. Samas kui suur on tõenäosus, et keegi üldse mu korterisse sisse üritab tungida? Samas ehk valib ta sel juhul kõrvalkorteri, mille akendel-uksel ei ole turvafirma kleepse? Samas esikust on korra mu käekott juba teadmata suunas kadunud, ka praeguse olukorra juures...

Loobun valvest elutoas ja köögis - Need on just need kõige kallimate asjadega toad, magamistubades on ju eelkõige riided ja natuke mänguasju. Seega risk koonduks just sinna, kus ta kõige rohkem kahju teeks. Siis pigem juba esimene variant.

Kass on päeval minu magamistoas ja sealt loobun valvest - Kassi liivakasti ei tahaks oma tuppa, aga sellisel juhul see peaks seal olema. Joogi ja söögi nõud saaks ju veel sinna ära mahutada, aga liivakast on asi, mida ei saa küll...

Riskin valehäirega elutoas ja köögis ehk tellin sinna loomaandurid - 2 andurit vahetada ja tõenäoliselt päris tihti valehäiret, sest kass on roninud arvutilaua riiuli otsa. Või akvaariumi otsa, kui ma selle olen hankinud. See on ka üks asi, millest olen pikalt unistanud, aga mitte nii pikalt.

Loobun kassivõtmisest - ei taha, kohe üldse ei taha loobuda, aga kui selle hind on pidev oht minu kodule, minu kõige kallimatele/armsamatele asjadele..? Isegi kui läks ainult käekott, oli kaotus minu jaoks korvamatu, näiteks ei müüdud seal olnud lõhnaõli enam kuskil. Näiteks ei ole ma siiani teist nii mõnusat käekotti leidnud, jne...

Mida teha? Jääb veel mõtlemiseks. Kui välja mõtlen, annan kindlasti teada.

* Vahelduseks eesti keeles, sest nagunii on vahepeal eestikeelsed tsitaadid...
In Estonian because some quotes are in Estonian anyway...